The Man-Bunny Matrix

QST

2011-10-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

AMSAT News Service Bulletin 275.03
From AMSAT HQ SILVER SPRING, MD.
October 2, 2011
To All RADIO AMATEURS
BID: $ANS-275.03

JM Wersinger, PhD, KI4YAU, Professor Emeritus and Director of Auburn
University Student Space Program in Alabama wrote this week, "We fer-
vently request your assistance in receiving transmissions from an up-
coming satellite, AubieSat-1, immediately after its launch from Van-
denberg AFB, California, 25 October 2011 at 9:52 UTC. AubieSat-1 (AS-1)
is an undergraduate - built CubeSat satellite developed by Auburn Uni-
versity.

AS-1 is designed to transmit with a power of about 800 milliwatts on a
frequency of 437.475 MHz, plus or minus Doppler correction. The beacon
signal, along with telemetry, will be sent using A1A continuous wave
Morse code at 20 words per minute. Additional telemetry from the on
board science experiment will use CW transmissions up to 60 WPM.

Based on the pre-launch orbital data provided by NASA, AS-1 will acti-
vate after deployment at 12:21 UTC, 25 October 2011. At that time,
the sub-satellite point will be at 34.52 S latitude and 1.52 W longi-
tude over the South Atlantic Ocean. Our predictions are that the first
flights over the contiguous United States will begin as shown in the
following table:

Orbit AOS Elevation LOS General Locale
----- --------- ---------- -------- ------------
3 15:54 UTC >50 deg 16:01 UTC New York
4 17:28 UTC >26 deg 17:35 UTC Texas
5 19:07 UTC >48 deg 19:14 UTC California

This information will be updated should there be launch scrubs or per-
formance changes in the launch, and additional information will be
available upon request for specific locations. Reception reports with
data contents are welcomed to the following email addresses:
wersijp at auburn dot edu and tam0013 at auburn dot edu

An internet Echolink conference group is also planned to begin one-half
hour prior to launch and continue until about 30 minutes after confir-
mation of the first receipt of signals from the satellite. Information
on the conference groups title will be distributed nearer to the launch
for interested stations.

Please email wersijp at auburn dot edu if you require additional infor-
mation and can assist in the reception and tracking
of AubieSat-1.

Long-time AMSAT Member John Klingelhoeffer, WB4LNM serves as the Tech-
nical Advisor in Auburn University's Student Space Program.

[ANS thanks Professor Wersinger, KI4YAU at Auburn University for the
above information].

/EX

2011-09-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

"You want a launch vehicle today that will service the ISS? We've got it sitting down there. So before we put it in a museum, let's make use of it. It's in the prime of its life, how could we just put it away? ... Get the shuttle out of the garage down there at Kennedy, crank up the motors and put it back in service."

-Eugene Cernan
22 Sept 2011

From the horse's...

2011-08-08T00:04:00.001-07:00

2 parts Timothy 1/Orchard 1; 1 part Meadow 2

(0.25 cup/day alfalfa pellets; rice straw bedding)

Are you high right now?

2011-07-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

CDR: Houston!...how ya doin'?

CAPCOM: Uh, well, we're doin' just fine down here, Atlantis...how are you doing?

CDR: Oh, we're doin' just fantastic up here, we're just watching this really cool orange glow out the windows, and wishing we could share it with everyone.

CAPCOM: Uh, yeah, roger, Atlantis, we were just talking about that and imaginit...imagait...ahem, um, imagining it ourselves.

CDR: That was easy for you to say...well it looks like we're comin' up on the Yucatan Peninsula right now, and it sure is a beautiful sight.

CAPCOM: Uh...roger...Atlantis...well you are on track. You just crossed over the west coast of Florida...

CDR: Oh! Ok, well, I guess we're farther along than I thought...

And with that, Navy Captain Chris Ferguson demonstrates the widsom of the autopilot re-entry, and totally vindicates these guys.

@Nocera

2011-07-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

"Journalists in particular, learn that there are stories that ought not to be pursued."

And verbs that ought not to be unconjugated.

Editor, Newspaper

2011-06-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

Following several days of gunfire in the vicinity of West Park and Ridge Drive in Boulder Creek, a concerned citizen and former police officer dialed 911. The dispatcher thanked the caller and immediately notified Sheriff's deputies. After three hours, more shooting, and no response from law enforcement, a second citizen, then on a walk with his wife and infant son, also called police. After transferring through multiple agencies, this caller was told that his neighborhood was inside a "shoot zone", and that in the absence of "automatic weapons fire" or "dangerous" ricochets, there was nothing for law enforcement to do.

Incredulous, the caller referenced County Code § 8.28.050, restricting gunfire to beyond a 300 foot perimeter from occupied structures. Being that this improvised shooting gallery was within a densely settled neighborhood, the complainant felt this to be a shoot zone exception. The dispatcher asked if the caller could see who was doing the firing. "Well no," the caller said. "But I have limited training in combat reconnaissance, and there's a pretty high fence, and I really have nowhere to put my baby while I strap on some kevlar and try to get a visual." The dispatcher promised that a deputy would return the call, and in short order, he did. "Well I have a couple calls ahead of you," the deputy reported, "but then I'll come by the property and try to make contact with the owners." That was two days ago. In the meantime, the "shoot zone" concept appears to be catching on, just in time for Independence Day. Welcome to the Wild West.

Sincerely,

Patricia Felidae

Boulder Creek

Windfarmsraum

2011-06-02T16:42:00.000-07:00

"Chancellor Angela Merkel said she hopes the transformation to more solar, wind and hydroelectric power serves as a roadmap for other countries ... "

You're on notice, Europe.

Editor, New York Times:

2011-05-08T17:32:00.000-07:00

Seal:

SEAL:

From CNN.com

2011-05-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

• CIA boss expects release of Obama pics

Notice

2011-05-02T14:28:00.000-07:00

As a courtesy to the children of the People’s Republic of China, Man-Bunny Matrix Recycles! will no longer accept candy wrappers at its film plastics disposal sites. Please include such items for general landfill disposal. Questions may be directed to Big Pudge, Chief Matrix Refuse Rabbit.

Defragmenter: World's funniest malware

2011-04-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

Average read time of HDD clusters less than 500 ms -- Critical Error!

Happy New Year

2011-02-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year, from all of us here in the Man-Bunny Matrix.

DRAMATIC...NO?

2011-02-02T23:28:00.001-08:00

THE STRONG RIDGE OF HIGH PRESSURE BUILDING OVER THE STATE WILL KEEP DRY CONDITIONS THROUGH THE FORECAST PERIOD WITH TEMPERATURES WARMING INTO THE 70S MANY SPOTS BY AND THROUGH THE WEEKEND. THE NCEP ENSEMBLES KEEP THE RIDGE OVER THE WEST THROUGH AT LEAST A WEEK...BUT ARE STARTING TO TREND TOWARDS RETROGRADING THE RIDGE BACK OVER THE PACIFIC AND EDGING AN UPPER TROUGH TOWARDS THE WEST COAST. THIS IS INDICATED AS A POSSIBILITY BY THE MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY. WILL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE...THOUGH.

2010-12-11T16:02:00.000-08:00

We regret to report that Timothy Hay, of Santa Rosa CA, has been eaten by rabbits. He will be missed.

Immigranten heraus!

2010-10-19T12:44:00.000-07:00

"This multicultural approach, saying that we simply live side by side and live happily with each other has failed utterly."

So what do you suggest, Angela?

Syntax police

2010-05-08T10:01:00.001-07:00

Today's New York Times: "...the crash appeared to be an accident and might have occurred when the ferry’s engines appeared to malfunction."

This says to us that the ferry captain was captivated by malfunctioning-looking engines, instead of driving his boat, thereby smooshing his ferry into a pier.

Try this instead: "...the crash appeared to be an accident, possibly due to an engine malfunction."

Why don't you cry about it?

2010-04-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

Today on CNN.com:

Bullock files for divorce, reveals baby

Leaking baby was unavailable for further comment.

2010-04-17T20:20:00.001-07:00

Some rabbits have special linings to screen out neutrons.

Nanny state

2010-03-05T07:32:00.001-08:00

David Ridley and the Free State Project report on a bunch of people looking for a free ride. It's not a handout if they agree with you.

Gooses, mooses and octupi

2009-09-06T11:35:00.000-07:00

From the New York Times: Looking at Deers for a Solution to Ticks

Update: Unfortunately, headline has been corrected.

Crude interpretation

2009-08-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

On Monday, the New York Times carried an Op-Ed by Michael Lynch, “Peak Oil is a Waste of Energy.” Reaction from industry leaders has been mixed. Mr. Lynch is an energy consultant with the Center for International Studies at M.I.T., and on Tuesday, Valero Energy’s Philip Maelipeck joined U.S. Energy Information Agency analyst Carl Sheplin in a conference call to the Man-Bunny Matrix.

“I liked Michael's article,” Maelipeck said. “Does it sound like it was written by an eighth-grader? Maybe. Does it abuse historical precedent and misrepresent facts? Sure. But I enjoyed it.”

But some elements are especially troubling, according to Sheplin, such as Lynch's response to those who say oil is becoming more difficult to extract. Lynch considers this argument “vague and irrelevant”, on the grounds that oil explorers operating mule-drawn rigs in 19th Century Persia, “certainly didn’t consider their work easy.” Advances in technology, Mr. Lynch says, have made oil easier to extract, not more difficult.

“This is an anachronism,” Sheplin said.

And Maelipeck?

“My initial reaction is that Michael Lynch is a guy who knows a thing or two about being vague and irrelevant.”

“Look at it this way,” Sheplin went on. “With access to modern mining equipment, at the push of a button, I could sit in a control room in California and pull hundreds of pounds of gold from the Sierra Nevada right this minute, much more than I could have recovered 150 years ago sitting on a streambed with a steel pan. Does this mean gold hasn’t grown more scarce in California? I guess so. Hey, everybody: Gold! Gold on the American River!”

Maelipeck added, “I say we stuff those Persians into a time machine, let them out into Ahmadinejad’s tired old fields, and the moment they report back and say, ‘I’m sorry, this mule-powered job is no more difficult today than it was 110 years ago’, that’s when Michael Lynch will start making sense.”

Later, Lynch puts forward the assertion that there are “some 10 trillion barrels [of oil] out there”.

“That is bizarre,” Sheplin said. “I don’t know where he’s getting those data.”

“Well, personally,” Maelipeck countered, “I find most geologists to be pretty Gloomy Gus these days, so it’s nice to see someone with the courage to make up such nice numbers.”

But according to Sheplin, there have been dozens of surveys completed since World War II, and the most recent estimate of global proved reserves came in at less than 1.5 trillion barrels. Even stranger, Sheplin says, is that Lynch seems to qualify his figures as a low-ball estimate, explaining that they don’t include quantities of oil which “in time, we may be able to efficiently tap” from oil sands in places like Canada (emphasis added). According to Sheplin, proven reserve estimates from Canadian oil sands stand today at less than 200 billion barrels.

“So yes,” cautions Sheplin, “don’t mislead yourself by forgetting to add 2% to Lynch’s supposed 10 trillion barrels of conventionally available oil.”

Another point generating controversy is the assertion that political instability puts global oil supplies under constant threat of disruption. While this may seem reasonable, Mr. Lynch categorically dismisses it, with the reasoning that “political risk is nothing new.” By way of example, Lynch simply states, “a leading Communist labor organizer in the Baku oil industry in the early 1900s would later be known to the world as Josef Stalin.”

“Well, I guess that clears that up,” Sheplin said. “So, essentially, a young Josef Stalin's presence in an oil field 100 years ago failed to interrupt global supply. Well, there you have it: today's potentially catastrophic political instability seemingly endemic to 90% of the world's oil producing regions--problem solved.”

“And also…Hitler!” Maelipeck added.

Both Sheplin and Maelipeck were nearly at a loss in dealing with Lynch’s apparently nonsensical use of oil-field water cut numbers in his assertion that increasing water concentrations in Saudi Arabia's Ghawar oil field are not a sign of declining production. Lynch is correct that water cut numbers increase mostly because operators routinely pump seawater into a reservoir to displace oil and maintain field pressure. But, as Maelipeck put it, “why does he think the pressure needs to be propped up in the first place?” Maelipeck ventured that Lynch was “just another M.I.T. idiot who doesn’t understand pressure/volume relationships,” but Sheplin was a bit more nuanced.

“Mr. Lynch makes a lot of the 35% Ghawar water cut comparing favorably with the global average, but the real news isn’t in a snapshot percentage, it's in the trend. Neither of those numbers is particularly heartening, but even starting at 0% water, a rapid increase in water cut while field pressure remains constant can’t ever be considered good news.”

Also included in the first page of Lynch's column is a simple line-drawing of an oil drilling rig, and this illustration caught our reviewers’ attention as well.

“Very cute,” Maelipeck said. “Now, for some reason, this drilling rig appears to have smoke coming out of it. I’ve never seen that before. I think if you burn your oil as it comes out of the ground it becomes harder to turn a profit.”

Sheplin said, “It's a nice cartoon, but I'm not sure why [illustrator] Ted McGrath chose deliberately to make this look like the work of a child.”

“It's appropriate for this column,” Maelipeck said.

It's a bird, it's a plane

2009-07-31T11:52:00.000-07:00

In the desert west of Salt Lake City, Utah, by terrible coincidence, a communications antenna atop a Man-Bunny Matrix ground transport collided with a small songbird, as the transport traveled east along an Interstate Highway at a speed of 77 mph. Passengers reported seeing the bird perform a slow barrel roll, then a ‘Split S’, before finally augering in. The transport was nearly a half kilometer downrange by this time, but navigators marked the approximate location and the crew made preparations to respond.

Exit ramps were scarce, but an emergency vehicle turn-around allowed the transport quickly to double-back. Rescue fursonnel deployed from the rear, accompanied by a reporter and camera crew.

But the decision to deploy fursonnel was made with some hesitation, because the rescue operation was getting underway just outside the bounds of the U.S. Army's Dugway Proving Ground. And as soon as rabbits had exited the vehicle, they could tell it was a busy day at the office.

“It was loud,” explained Sergeant Major Eyebrows, a medic serving in the Man-Bunny Defense Force who took part in the search. She later told investigators, “We just wanted to find that bird and get the hell out of there.”

They did find the bird. Its neck was broken, it was dead, but there were no other visible signs of injury. Reporters photographed the bird and medical fursonnel recorded the likely cause of death as central nervous system trauma. The team then gave the animal a quick and proper burial.

But as rescue fursonnel were hopping back into the transport, behind a nearby ridgeline the sound of two helicopter rotors blended with the whine of turbine engines, and Sergeant Major Eyebrows noticed something strange. Whatever machine this was had more than one large main rotor; had approached to within 800 meters of the rabbits' position, and was clearly very big and very fast.

“The Army’s got big helicopters, and the Army's got fast helicopters, but you'll never see both,” Eyebrows said.

She knew there were only two possible explanations. Either the Army was testing an incredible new helicopter, or the rabbits were listening to a test flight of the Boeing V-22 Osprey.

Eyebrows later told investigators from the Man-Bunny Defense Intelligence Agency that the aircraft was executing complex maneuvers, while taking great care to remain concealed behind the ridge.

“They came within inches of clearing the rise,” she said, “but were never visible from the Interstate.”

Phone calls to the Office of the Commander at Dugway were not immediately returned, but a spokesman for the U.S. Air Force Military Airlift Command confirmed that the Marine Corps had recently flown two Ospreys to Edwards Air Force Base in California, and one to an unspecified location in Utah.

In another phone call, Marine Corps spokesperson Captain Melissa O’Clippe told the Man-Bunny Matrix, “We’ve been flying the V-22 for years, but it's a joint aircraft. Test pilots need no excuse at all to strap on a new airplane.”

The make and model of the songbird now at rest beneath the Utah desert has yet to be positively identified, but the photographs taken by rescuers have been transmitted to researchers at the Man-Bunny Department of Non-Mammalian Affairs in Northern California, where they are awaiting evaluation.

One fuzzy marsupial

2009-07-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

Paul Corey writes in today's San Francisco Chronicle, "Thousands packed onto the aircraft carrier Hornet on Saturday to hear Edwin 'Buzz' Aldrin describe his experience as the second man on the moon - a desolate place, he said, where the air was so thin he felt like a kangaroo as he bounced on the surface."

Bear in mind, bouncing around like a kangaroo is not anything new here in the Man-Bunny Matrix, but take note, it is gravity, much more than relative atmospheric density, that keeps the rest of you from kangarooing here at home.

The 'air' on the moon is quite thin. Its atmosphere has roughly 1/1,000,000,000,000 the density of Earth's, and consists mainly of the odd molecule outgassing from the lunar surface. But even on Earth, unless a given kangaroo is grossly overweight, or fitted with a sail, its cross-sectional area is probably insufficient for the atmosphere to make much of a difference in its bounceability, relative to a vacuum. However, put this kangaroo on the surface of the Moon and it will experience a gravitational field roughly 1/6 what a kangaroo feels here on Earth. Still equipped with its powerful leg-muscles, this will make a big difference.

Yes, our Moon is a desolate place, where air is so thin it is effectively nonexistent, and acceleration due to gravity can make a kangaroo out of even you.

One giant tank

2009-07-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

On any given day, the United States burns through 214,470 gal of diesel oil
in 132 s.

Forty years ago today, the engines of the SI-C (first stage) on the
Saturn V moon rocket smoked an identical volume of kerosene, propelling a single vehicle to a speed of 5352 mph, altitude 58 mi. The process was completed in 168 s flat.

Little green bunnies

2009-07-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.deepastronomy.com/

Please insert Disk 2

2009-07-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

As the LA Times points out, some experts are dismissing a North Korean link in the ongoing attacks on U.S. and South Korean computer systems, because denial-of-service attacks are “fairly rudimentary”, and “more the hallmark of hackers than hostile and resourceful foreign governments.”

“They’re loud and clumsy and not really what we would expect out of a sophisticated adversary,” said Amit Yoran, former Bush administration computer security czar, in downplaying involvement by a government which recently threw considerable computing resources behind production of this advertisement.

Kim Jong Il Wants a War

2009-07-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Before he dies.

He's pissed off. It's his life's work. It's a family legacy. To hell with the country, to hell with the world, might as well go out with a bang.

Field hockey stick

2009-07-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

This can't continue. There has to be a bottom here somewhere, or as we speak, the American economy is falling off a cliff. Here is a clearer view of this chart, and tabulated data for your spreadsheetable pleasure.

And the beat goes on. Supplies continue to grow. However, like the guy who suddenly remembers the bathtub is on and makes it to the valve just before the house is flooded, it appears U.S. refiners may finally be getting the message.

Baby bones

2009-07-08T04:09:00.000-07:00

"The GAO ... detailed an instance in which a woman placed an infant in a carrier on an X-ray machine while retrieving identification. Because the guard was not paying attention and the machine's safety features had been disabled, the infant was sent through the X-ray machine, according to the report."

(briefcase...briefcase...briefcase...baby!)

The Man-Bunny Matrix is calling on the GAO to release video records from this X-ray machine without delay.

Looking ahead

2009-07-05T21:21:00.000-07:00

As you and your Honda HS928TA are engaged in some severe-duty operation this season, you may encounter a problem known as predetonation, or “spark-knock”. If you consult the owner’s manual, it will advise that you switch to a different brand of gasoline.

Ignore this. Why Mr. Soichiro Honda of all people would offer this as an appropriate course of action is a mystery.

Do switch to a gasoline with a higher octane rating. If this fails to correct the problem, consider bringing the machine to a Honda Authorized Service Center, where they will make appropriate adjustments to the ignition system.

Then, put the thing away. It’s July for chrissake.

Be the first to know

2009-07-03T18:41:00.001-07:00

Refresh.

3,257,000

2009-07-03T01:21:00.000-07:00

We did it! Compared to this same time last year, the United States has saved over 1 million barrels (42,000,000 gal) of distillate fuel oil each and every day.

The last time the U.S. came anywhere near to this figure was in 2002, and demand has not been this low in any sustained way since the end of the 20th century. Yet we’re still churning it out like it’s going out of style, which, apparently, it is. Refinery inputs are still hanging around about where they’ve been all year, but distillate stocks are off the charts. Where are we going to put it all? The Man-Bunny Matrix is calling on all Americans with a swimming pool to include an off-the-hook diesel-burning party as part of your Independence Day celebration. Invite your unemployed trucker friends.

Anyone who was surprised by terrible economic news on Thursday wasn’t paying attention on Wednesday.

Gland plans

2009-07-01T21:18:00.000-07:00

Petroleum kingpin and charming grandpa T. Boone Pickens has a plan. He wants to substitute natural gas for oil in as many sectors of the American economy as possible, and high on the priority list is the U.S. trucking fleet. According to Mr. Pickens, this makes sense. Good economic sense, and good environmental sense.

Not everyone agrees.

"It just doesn't make sense," says Phil Maelipeck, petroleum engineer and director of refining operations at Valero Energy in Houston, TX. Maelipeck does understand that natural gas can replace liquid petroleum in nearly every automotive application, but as for the trucking initiative, according to him, “the numbers aren’t there.”

And while Natalia Raquette, senior scientist with the Sierra Club, concedes that emissions from natural gas combustion are lower than those of every other fossil fuel, according to her the benefits end there. "Natural gas production causes terrible environmental damage. At every stage of production you poison the land, you poison the air, and it’s especially tough on fresh water supplies."

Geoffrey Vanderschpul agrees. He’s a physician by training, who for the last ten years has headed up the mining research group at The Endocrine Disruption Exchange. His team has been studying some of the hundreds of chemicals involved in natural gas mining and processing, and they are as dangerous as they are numerous.“The list is as long as your leg,” Dr. Vanderschpul says. “And they are some of the nastiest and most reactive compounds known to man. They’re injected deep into the earth and mixed right into the water table.”

Is there any alternative?

“Sure,” Dr. Vanderschpul says. “Burn coal.”

Is he serious?

“Not really, but at least taking it out of the ground is straightforward. You send a guy into a hole and he comes back up later carrying a bucket.”

Natural gas is different. The process is complex, it's hazardous, and it's energy costly. Drilling muds used to condition drill bits and carry rock cuttings from the bore-hole contain volatile organic compounds and heavy metals. Pressurized fluids used to displace the gas are equally hazardous. In addition, says Maelipeck, the amount of energy consumed in physically heating a gasfield to facilitate product release is staggering, and there are unavoidable byproducts from continuous operation of massive pieces of diesel-powered mining equipment. Then there is the difficult task of dealing with millions of gallons of waste, most of which is carried by truck to enormous earthen pits, where the chemicals are allowed to slowly outgas. According to Maelipeck, and The Endocrine Disruption Exchange website, each evaporation pit has “the potential to become a superfund site.”

But there are some who are more optimistic, and Aubrey McClendon is one of them. He expresses unequivocal belief in natural gas as the key to American energy independence, and he should know. He’s CEO of Chesapeake Energy, the largest independent producer of natural gas in the United States. Mr. McClendon spoke to the Man-Bunny Matrix at his home in Oklahoma.“Natural gas is the future,” he told reporters, sautéeing frog’s legs on his kitchen’s massive gas range, and apparently unaware that bunnies do not eat frogs. “The most important thing environmentalists can do is to find a way to turn that frown upside down, because gas is not going away.”

But according to Phil Maelipeck, that’s beside the point. Would bringing natural gas online as a transportation fuel help? Yes, but not enough. Not enough to justify the effort, and not to enough to cover the expense. He says, “Diesel consumption amounts to about 15% of overall US petroleum demand. And only a fraction of that goes toward long-haul trucking.” Following what Maelipeck contends is the logic used by McClendon and Pickens, “What I’d like to see are battery powered airplanes. That would be great.” Maelipeck acknowledges that such technology is possibly centuries away, and that commercial airliners account for an even smaller fraction of U.S. petroleum demand, but he insists the battery-powered airliners would be “really great, really neat.”

But Dr. Vanderschpul isn’t smiling. Or even frowning upside down. “This is important,” he says. “The science around this stuff is disgusting, even hideous. We’re seeing enormous increases in endocrine disorders, in birth defects, in multi-organ malignancies that were previously considered rare.”

Dr. Raquette is more direct. “I respect an energy executive’s right to earn a living. But when the pediatrician is cutting out his baby grandson’s ovaries, he’s going to have to wonder if it really all was worth it.”

“Listen,” McClendon says, setting out a steaming casserole and decorating it with parsley. “I’m as concerned as the next guy. We have natural treasures in this country you won’t even find anywhere else, but the Earth is doing fine.” Between bites of frog he adds, “Case in point: in just one afternoon I netted this whole meal myself near one of Chesapeake’s central evaporation pits.” His guests ignore the pile of legs and nibble tentatively at the garnish, and McClendon says, “There’s got to be what, twenty, maybe twenty-five legs in this casserole?”

And what’s so special about that?

“Four frogs. Tops."

Structural integrity

2009-07-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

Captain John Cox, a flight operations group member at the London-based Royal Aeronautical Society, was interviewed yesterday about the crash of Air France flight 447. He said, "Planes that explode in mid-air don’t have time to send those sort of error messages for the next four minutes." But on Wednesday morning, Dr. F. B. Sphere, an aviation safety specialist with the Man-Bunny Transportation and Safety Board, spoke to reporters by telephone from the island of Comoros, where he is part of the investigation into Yemenia Airways flight 626.

"I've worked with Captain Cox," Dr. Sphere said, "and I have nothing but respect for his abilitities, but I honestly don't know where he gets off. Now it's true, we've found no evidence of a large-scale detonation. I do not expect to be reporting to you that a tactical nuclear weapon went off in the overhead bin. But somebody like Captain Cox ought to know better than this. People need to understand, there is more than one way to skin this cat."

Dr. Sphere was reluctant to offer speculation, but would go far enough to say, "Who knows? Some idiot packs a half-empty butane canister into the unpressurized cargo hold. A box of Ohio Blue-Tips [matches] makes its way past a sleepy security guard and gets bounced around in the turbulence. Look, it could be anything, any number of small explosive or incendiary events leading to a cascade of electrical failures. My French is a little rusty, but they use a timeless expression for this: shit happens."

Dr. Sphere stressed that the Man-Bunny Transportation and Safety Board has reached no firm conclusions regarding the crash of AF 447, and he emphasized that more conventional causes such as the much-discussed pitot tubes remain prime suspects. "But I am frustrated," he added, "by the number of otherwise competent aviation experts who are willing to dismiss, and even categorically rule out, an explosive event, and for such stupid reasons. I don't know, maybe they've seen too many movies."

You're fired

2009-07-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

"I can't figure out for the life of me why crew members and children tend to be disproportionate in these sole survivor events."

Todd Curtis
Director, The Airsafe.com Foundation
30 July 2009

(Dr. Curtis, please note existence of flight crew training; and review chapters on mass, force and moment arm in high school physics text.)

Splash two

2009-06-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

Vehicles belonging to the Man-Bunny Transportation and Safety Board were seen leaving the Man-Bunny Matrix shortly after dark on Monday. MBTSB fursonnel told reporters they were headed for San Francisco International Airport, but would not discuss their ultimate destination. Pressed again for comment immediately before their departure, one investigator simply shook his head, saying only, “Here we go again.”

Bang for your lempira

2009-06-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

U.S. MARPAT battle dress uniform, U.S. kevlar helmet, U.S. M16 automatic rifle, U.S. head-bonking stick, Honduran government installed by military coup. Priceless.

Pack lots of dandelions

2009-06-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

“We choose to go to the moon, not because it is easy but because we can build optical telescopes that make Hubble seem like a pair of binoculars."

B. Anna Bunny, PhD
Man-Bunny Matrix Center for Cosmology
June 24, 2009

Grey area

2009-06-22T22:16:00.001-07:00

In today's Boston Globe, Carolyn Y. Johnson writes that the blood-brain barrier is a "wall of tightly packed cells, which line the tiny blood vessels that permeate the brain..." She goes on to say, "The barrier is not a solid wall -- it lets in oxygen and nutrients."

The word "solid" is being used as an unfortunate shortcut for "completely impermeable". Since the blood-brain barrier discriminates on size, electric charge and solubility, there are many small, uncharged, or hydrophobic molecules that easily squish right through. Protein pumps in the cell membrane transfer other useful non-squishable substances, as Johnson points out later in her article.

And like all cells, a lot of water goes into endothelial cells of the blood-brain barrier, but the tissue itself is neither liquid, gas, nor plasma. A solid wall indeed.

SIGINT

2009-06-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

In Thursday's Washington Times,

EXCLUSIVE: Cuban spies' shortwave radios go undetected
Low-tech transmissions no big deal for U.S. intelligence

For reasons of national security, the Man-Bunny Matrix can neither confirm nor deny the premise of this article as being 100% factually inaccurate.

Not fair

2009-06-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

"You know, do me a favor. Could you say 'senator' instead of 'ma’am?' ... It’s just a thing, I worked so hard to get that title."

Sen. Barbara Boxer to Brig. Gen. Michael Walsh
June 17, 2009

Saluting just a few other hard-working ma'ams in General Walsh's life.

The way life used to be

2009-05-31T15:06:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the United States, spoke in Benton Harbor, Michigan, reflecting on some of the joys and challenges he and his family faced during his presidency. Afterwards, he sat down with veteran Man-Bunny Matrix reporter Mouse Ears. The following is a transcript of that exchange.

EARS: Mr. President, thank you for joining us.

BUSH: Good to be with you, Mouse.

EARS: So, please repeat some of the things you said here tonight.

BUSH: Well, you know, I was talking about how “I wasn’t surprised to lose support for some of the main elements of my national security agenda.”

EARS: Yes. Not surprising.

BUSH: And “I wasn’t surprised that people forgot the feeling of how they felt after September 11.”

EARS: Is that what happened?

BUSH: Well at least “I’m grateful people were able to move beyond the events of September 11.”

EARS: So that's what it was?

BUSH: Well “as a president you don't want your nation to be so worried about an attack that people don't go about their lives.”

EARS: How do you explain that sentiment in light of your 2004 campaign?

BUSH: “The psychology of the nation concerned me.”

EARS: The feeling was mutual.

BUSH: “Which then made it harder to get people to listen to you.”

EARS: I was all ears.

BUSH: Well “the fact that Americans tuned out most of the news coverage wasn’t surprising to me.”

EARS: Some might take issue with your premise, but tell us why anyway.

BUSH: Well “the truth of the matter is, I never watched the nightly news.”

EARS: Ah. That would explain a lot. Now why is that?

BUSH: “Because it was predictable.”

EARS: Predictably awful?

BUSH: Yes.

EARS: You say this as newsmaker in chief.

BUSH: You bet.

EARS: Got it.

BUSH: And, y’know, “nor did I ever pay attention to the editorial pages…good editorials…

EARS: I didn’t really notice those either.

BUSH: "…or bad."

EARS: Those I saw.

BUSH: Well y’see “when you're president you can get so obsessed with this stuff that I felt it would cloud your vision.”

EARS: When I’m...what?

BUSH: “You can get so obsessed with this stuff I felt it would cloud your vision.”

EARS: Please pick a pronoun, Mr. President.

BUSH: “I felt it would cloud your vision.”

EARS: As a man who understands cloudy vision.

BUSH: Well “the truth of the matter is there is so much attention paid to you...”

EARS: No, I’m just a bunny. You were in the White House.

BUSH: Well “I thought it important even in the tougest moments to be upbeat…”

EARS: Yeah, that was weird.

BUSH: “And not be so worried about myself…”

EARS: Or anyone else.

BUSH: “…that I couldn’t convey a sense of confidence. “

EARS: You did have us fooled. Now, if you would, talk a little about your dad.

BUSH: Well, “it’s much harder to be the father of the president than to be the president.”

EARS: He did get a lot sympathy.

BUSH: Yeah, y’know, “I used to have to admonish him not pay [sic] attention to what they were writing in the editorial pages about his son.”

EARS: The editorial pages you didn’t read.

BUSH: Well, Laura read them. And “frankly, I’m not so sure if we hadn’t married she’d have voted for me.”

EARS: If you hadn’t married? When…? Never mind. She's a patriot. So talk a little about your Vice President.

BUSH: Well, “a great relief was having a Vice President who had no plans to run for the top spot.”

EARS: I’ll say.

BUSH: Well you know, "if things got tough, he could be one of the first person off the ship…"

EARS: One of the first person?

BUSH: One of the very first person.

EARS: Perhaps followed by more person?

BUSH: Well, you know, if he left it "would be really unpleasant in the White House."

EARS: Not to mention in wherever he went. But nonetheless, had he left, you would have remained upbeat?

BUSH: You bet.

EARS: Us too. Well Mr. President, thank you for taking the time to…

BUSH: “You know, people ask what’s it like…”

EARS: Um…ok.

BUSH: “Well I have never stopped at a traffic light for eight years.”

EARS: Whee!

BUSH: Yee-haw!

EARS: Sound like fun. Mr. President, we appreciate you taking the time for verbatim repetition of the things you just said…

BUSH: Verbawhatnow?

EARS: Thank you for joining us.

BUSH: Huck/Palin 2012!

EARS: Yee haw.

I never drew first

2009-05-28T23:19:00.001-07:00

This is very dangerous.

Ol' factory

2009-05-26T03:59:00.000-07:00

"Aircraft with high-technology 'sniffer' devices read radiation increases carried by the wind."

Sure ya do

2009-05-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

“I think what makes good television is tension. When you look at Hollywood movies, they have the benefit of fiction. We don’t.”

Becky Diamond
Field Producer, FOX News
9 May 2009

The hunt

2009-05-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

Colbert: What would constitute – y’know – a “Howdy!” from space

Shostak: Well you’re looking for the kind of signal transmitters make, not the kind of signal nature makes – quasars and pulsars, that sort of thing. You’re looking for the kind of signals [for example] a television broadcaster would make.

Colbert: Well, maybe they use quasars and pulsars to send signals.

Shostak: They’re bad engineers if they do that. Those signals are all over the band.

BYOD*

2009-05-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Catch the Santa Cruz Mountains trio Geezer Brand Band playing this Memorial Day Weekend 2009, LIVE at Geezer’s Palace.

*defibrillator

It's like butter

2009-05-19T02:07:00.000-07:00

Brandeis University, in Waltham, MA has been marketing itself for several months now as "The Smart Choice". This, as a slogan for a major American research university, is terrible.

BUN/S

2009-05-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

Today, a civilian contractor for the Department of Defense reported the presence of unusual mammals on the grounds of the Naval Undersea Warfare Center in Newport, RI. Speaking on condition of anonymity, this contractor informed the Man Bunny Matrix that these creatures were bunnies, but further investigation revealed that the mammals he saw were actually SEALs.

(in space)

2009-05-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

“It looks dark out there.”

Mike Massimino, in the airlock of Atlantis, 325 miles above the Indian Ocean.

Feet

2009-05-15T00:44:00.000-07:00

At 0317 UTC, a faulty electrical outlet inside a Matrix supply building sparked a fire. The building is seasoned redwood, its contents are packaged in paperboard, and the interior had been waterproofed with polyethylene sheet. By the time emergency fursonnel were able to gain entry, the structure was seconds from being engulfed.

Smoke poured from the roof, gobs of flaming plastic rained from the ceiling and oozed down every wall, and each second new fires sprouted from stored materials.

MBM strike teams gave it all they had.

They did as they had trained, until the retardant ran out, at which time many were seen thrashing through a firey downpour like demonic ducks. They gasped for air and molten plastic splashed about, searing exposed flesh and fusing eyelids like a ziplock bag. After several tense minutes fighting by hand, MBM crews regained control.

On-scene commanders gave the all-clear, and several fursonnel were taken to Matrix medical facilities suffering from smoke inhalation and minor burns, where they were treated and released. Some supplies were lost but the building is intact, and somehow no one was seriously hurt.

Lieutenant Sniffer Plex, commander of Second Squad, Engine Company Bun, left the clinic with a sooty snout and a smile. “I’ve still got all my parts,” he said, holding up a bandaged limb. “It’s true what they say.”

Two lines

2009-05-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Rep. Bobby Scott (D-Virginia) said, “When dealing with the 100 to 1 crack:powder disparity there’s a consensus that…,” and at that moment the press feed into the Man-Bunny Matrix experienced a sudden supply disruption.

Just two weeks prior to this, blogger and coal enthusiast “andy sz” sent a twit up from his mine, reporting that there was “good news on the crack/powder disparity front”.

The Man-Bunny Matrix has no further information at this time.

Errata

2009-05-14T17:01:00.000-07:00

Michael Coffman (R-Colorado), was in Iraq with the United States Marine Corps in 2006. We apologize for any inconvenience.

…and salt-pork, and saddle-blankets…

2009-05-13T23:08:00.000-07:00

“More boots on the ground is not the solution. We need more people with slide-rules, and shovels…”

Adm. Mike Mullen
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff
May 13, 2009

11001011 11010101 11001011 01001101

2009-05-13T00:47:00.000-07:00

David Brooks’ column “They Had it Made”, in today’s New York Times is transcendently excellent, right up until the part where Mr. Brooks writes, “There is a complexity to human affairs before which science and analysis simply stands mute.”

Oy.

This statement implies that something has been at work here which cannot be adequately explained through natural phenomena. The Man-Bunny Matrix is hoping Mr. Brooks means to imply only that something is at work which cannot be explained through our understanding of natural pheomena, at this time.

As Dr. Mike Dalbey, lecturer in biology at the University of California, Santa Cruz, routinely tells his undergraduates: “There’s really not much left for you to do in biology. My generation has, for the most part, figured everything out. The only really interesting work left to be done is on the origin of life; and consciousness.”

We in the Man-Bunny Matrix would add exobiology to that list, but point taken.

To be sure, the intricacies of human behavior are overwhelmingly complex, and relevant disciplines such as neuroethology and behavioral psychology have not matured to the point of being able to offer satisfactory answers to questions such as why the lives of subjects participating in the Grant Study followed the trajectories they did. But in the piles of transistors and reams of code represented by human CNS networks, the answers are there to be found.

Go west

2009-05-13T00:40:00.000-07:00

“When Katrina hit, we all became Floridians.”

Rep. Tim Walz
D-Minn.
May 12, 2009

Thud

2009-05-13T00:38:00.000-07:00

In today’s episode of “After Deadline”, the New York Times presents the following headline:

“Bomber Attacks G.I.’s Meeting With Baquba Officials”

They go on to say:

“This headline could be read two ways, in part because our style is to use an apostrophe in plurals of certain abbreviations, like this one. Readers might take ‘meeting’ as a noun (in origin, a gerund), and think that a meeting between a single G.I. and Baquba officials was attacked. In fact, ‘meeting’ was intended as a participle, modifying the plural noun ‘G.I.’s.’”

Interesting.

Generally, the Man-Bunny Matrix considers using an apostrophe in pluralizing acronyms to be insane. More importantly, does no one else interpret the above headline to be reporting an aerial assault using laser-guided bureaucrats?

Furthermore: “…our style is to use an apostrophe in plurals of certain abbreviations, like this one...”

Try reading that sentence out loud without sounding drunk. Clearly, if it were recast to read, “…our [dumb] style is to use an apostrophe in pluralizing certain abbreviations…” this would have opened the irony pressure-release valve, making for a less ridiculous sentence within an otherwise coherent examination of ridiculous sentences.

Disambiguation

2009-05-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

"Counterinfurgency" is also the title of an out-of-print Continental Army field manual.

Counterinfurgency

2009-05-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

As a matter of routine, before the Cat sits down to eat, it will order Matrix security forces into position, and direct that they remain armed with a range of inexpensive non-lethal arm-launched projectiles (NALPs). They are tasked at that time with engaging all hostile organisms who come for the cat food, and stay for the rabbit.

All combat fursonnel are bound by strict rules of engagement. Generally, bonking a threat on the rump with a medium-range NALP is effective in convincing it to look elsewhere, whatever the temptations from a plump, grass-fed citizenry.

An MBM commander addresses subordinate furcenaries in a pre-deployment briefing.

Heat faucet?

2009-05-10T23:11:00.000-07:00

At the end of a long hot day, a large room, Room A, bleeds emissive power to the outside exclusively through a smaller adjacent room, Room B. To best maintain constant temperature in Room A, you should eliminate the temperature differential by heating Room B? Or do you pump energy directly into Room A? In principle, is the net energy input equivalent in both cases?

Be advised that heat is defined as a process by which energy is transferred. To consider heat as its own form of energy ("heat energy") is imprecise, old-fashioned, and stuff. Heat is simply the mechanism by which real energy, kinetic energy, is handed off from one wiggly particle to the next.

Killing an old president

2009-05-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

In today’s New York Times, Frank Rich writes of the 2005 White House Correspondent’s dinner: “Colbert’s routine did not kill.”

Colbert’s routine killed on paper. Working from notecards rather than his usual prompter, he could not stay in character to save his life. It was unquestionably, as Jon Stewart put it, “ballsalicious”; but if he had truly been at the top of his game it would have been legendalicious too.

Field's Medal, please

2009-05-09T13:39:00.001-07:00

Castrated bucks possess greater sphericity.

Then sniffle, and sow panic!

2009-05-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

This is a serious piece of journalism by the New York Times. Not known for their punny headlines, yes known for their dense editorial board.

Swine Flu: First, Sow No Panic
By ELISABETH ROSENTHAL
Hand-washing is the first lesson from SARS to apply to swine flu. Another is: Masks are only rarely useful.

Your weed over there

2009-05-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

"As the recession bites hard, dollar stores are popping up like dandelions at new locations."

There are at least two ways this sentence could be made to say what the New York Times wants it to say, and they're both awful. The simile stands on its own, and dandelions show no proclivity toward novelty for novelty's sake. We in the Man-Bunny Matrix do appreciate the wisdom of popping your new dollar store up in a sunny location, if that's what they mean.

Clandestine insertion

2009-05-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

You never see 'em coming.

Stems and seeds

2009-05-01T22:33:00.000-07:00

Spring comes and goes fast in the Matrix. Time's not long off all you could find was palatable young shoots, but everything seeds fast when the water's so low. Now it’s mostly stems and husky foxtails and you'll only find the crispy stuff around a wet ditch. Thistle is waist-high, and mean!

Try to contain yourselves

2009-04-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

A funny thing happened on April 22, 2009.

The U.S Energy Information Agency was reporting that demand for distillate fuel oil had declined by more than 315,000 bbl/day from the previous week, and more than 900,000 bbl/day from the previous year. This came after a roller-coaster year of almost comically volatile demand, and after a fairly reliable decline starting around the end of February, 2009. All of this seemed to be occuring on top of a steady stream of surprisingly good news across broad sections of the overall economy.

Put these data next to the same endpoint for motor gasoline, which after shedding 1 million barrels at the end of last summer, recovering about half that around the holidays, and then moping its way downhill for the next several weeks, had started to pick up around February 2009. And as of about two weeks ago, and most notably last week, total motor gasoline consumption was back up around 9.1 million bbl/day. This, for the United States, is fairly healthy, and would have been respectable even in those years when the “summer driving season” sounded still stupid, but not quite as stupid as it does now.

It is the opinion of our analysts in the Man-Bunny Matrix that distillate demand is generally the superior economic indicator. The bulk of these data reflect demand for Fuel Oil #2. This is the petroleum fraction consumed, depending on sulfur content, as on-road and off-road Diesel Fuel, and as Home Heating Oil. High-sulfur heating oil demand is almost exclusively a function of weather and cost, but low and medium-sulfur fuel is what you find on the job, burned in quantity whenever and wherever on the planet money is at work. Gasoline, by contrast, is (with exception) a retail consumer product. While demand for gasoline shows general annual patterns, it is subject to the vaguaries and vacillations of the consumer, whom we know to be especially vague and vacillational. He doesn’t always do what’s best for him.

We in the Man-Bunny Matrix have been mulling these data all week, and now this morning the Bureau of Labor and Statistics is reporting that in the first quarter 2009, U.S. GDP fell by a “surprising” 6.1%, while consumer spending is up 2.1% annually.

Coincidence? Correlation? Hard for us to say. Is distillate demand less negative than it might otherwise be? You mean it could be worse? I guess so. Will we see these patterns persist when the EIA releases the data for this week? We’ll know in an hour.

Extra: Too fine a point

2009-04-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

Recently, a staffer here in the Man-Bunny Matrix was told by the clerk at a natural foods store, “My fingers are always cold.”
The staffer mentioned hydration. As it turns out, the clerk gets all her water “from coffee, and Diet Coke.”
And for that moment, all was well. Then a second clerk spoke up, with great conviction, and said, “But since she was born in the fall, she has greater air affinity, and she should be putting essential oils on her hands, oils that are warming oils.”

Why not?

Crude understanding

2009-04-28T01:24:00.001-07:00

"It is clear we are at or near Peak Oil. People argue about this, but it's clear that the more affordable light sweet oil is running out. There is still of course the dirty heavier oil available but it is more expensive."

-Former Vice President Al Gore
April 27, 2009

Mr. Vice President, barrel for barrel, light sweet crude is more expensive than heavy sour. Perhaps you were thinking about relative ease of refining? You're the last person we would expect to fuck this up.

Cover your snout

2009-04-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

Respiration

2009-04-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

Republican lawmakers argue for the innocuous nature of atmospheric carbon dioxide, as evidenced by the fact that we "breathe" it.

Because we are plants.

And then there's this:

"Do you have any evidence in your findings of illness or death caused by exposure to too much CO2? We have that for SO2, and for mercury; even ozone we know exacerbates asthma, but we don't have that for CO2."

Rep. Joe Barton
R-Texas
April 22, 2009

Never mind EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson being unable to produce a satisfactory response; the fact is, Congressman Barton, with a dozen ounces of propane gas, a used "Mr. Heater", a CO2 partial-pressure meter and a wet towel under the bathroom door you could quickly remedy this apparent defecit in medical science.

Pu Pu Head

2009-04-21T11:51:00.000-07:00

During Floor Debate on H.R. 411: Protection of Rare Dog and Cat Species:

“We’re going to borrow money from China, and then send it back there, for them to create habitats for their dogs and cats that are rare. Now, there’s no assurance that if we do this we won't end up with--with moo-goo dog-pan or moo-goo cat-pan.”

Rep. Louie Gohmert
R-Texas
April 21, 2009

In a related story

2009-04-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

Royal Dutch Shell has emerged once again as the overwhelming favorite in the daring, high-octane game of three-way petrochicken being played between science, ethics, and innovation in the marketing of retail motor fuels. Coming on the heels of Shell's blockbuster "V-Power" campaign, the energy behemoth's mysterious and apparently scientific new product has literally exploded onto the scene. At a recent industry banquet in Baton Rouge the general sense of shock and awe was palpable, and senior marketing personnel were not mincing words.
"It's like they're kicking us when we're down," said Gus Fangut, Senior Direct Sales Project Manager at Valero Energy in Houston, TX. "They're charging for nitrogen. They're telling people, 'hey, give us money, and we'll give you nitrogen.'"
"And it's working!" added Kathleen Vienneduct, Vice President of Marketing at Chevron, Inc. in Richmond, CA. "How do you follow that?"
What impressed industry observers most about Shell's "V-Power" campaign was their decision to include the new additive only in motor gasoline of the highest octane, and then to advertise this option right at the pump.
"So when you go to fill up, if you want to be like the happy fish people on the TV, even if you're driving an '82 Escort, you're going to spring for the good stuff," Vienneduct explained "And you'll be damned if you don't feel a little extra spring in her step as you drive off the lot."
"But it's all in your head," Fangut added,
Vienneduct went on to explain that gasoline is a generic product in the United States. The only thing that brands it is the small amount of additive each company adds to the base fuel.
"The additive package is mostly detergent," she says. "Like, literally--soap--a petroleum-based soap." As a result, companies advertising a brand of gasoline can only make claims as to the superiority of its soap.
"We can't claim that it goes faster, burns hotter, bangs bigger, what-have-you. We can only claim that it cleans good. It's very limiting."
And since burning fuel with a higher-than-required octane will not harm an engine, Shell is in the clear. "There's no risk to the consumer's vehicle," Fangut explains. "The only thing it breaks is your bank account."
What really made the brand successful, according to Vienneduct, was the ad campaign. "It was their coup de grace. This very genuine-sounding announcer tells you that this fuel 'actively' cleans your engine, as if this is some sort of innovation."
"What does that even mean?" Fangut said. "What does it do, grab onto your valve seats and bust out a loofa? It's a fucking molecule!"
So will "Nitrogen Enriched" gasoline enjoy the same kind of success?
"Probably," said Phillip Maelipeck, Valero's President of Refining Technology. "It sounds great. It sounds bubbly, powerful and sciencey."
"It's a joke," Fangut said.
"It's genius," said Maelipeck.

A note from your pancreas

2009-04-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Fuck that guy.

Dietary Habits

2009-04-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

Apples are very good for you, and you should eat a lot of apples. An easy way to do this is to take some of them in pie form.

Opposed by frogs

2009-03-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

LONDON, England -- Scientists in the U.S. are developing a laser gun that could kill millions of mosquitoes in minutes.

Signals

2009-02-16T00:48:00.000-08:00

Television broadcasters should go ahead and switch to DTV, but retain license to the original spectrum and be required for six months to feed their analog transmitters with a screenshot:

BUY A NEW TV, OLD PERSON/DUMMY

But oxides of carbon are just scare tactics

2009-01-31T15:48:00.000-08:00

Louisville Mayor Jerry Abramson said four people had died in his city: two elderly people and their special-needs adult child died because of an "improperly vented" generator, and another person died after using a charcoal grill as a heater for the house.

Abramson said authorities were trying to let people know they can't take generators and grills inside.

bummer

2009-01-15T21:56:00.000-08:00

The cat's off its feed, so we bought it Newman's Own fancy-pants food. Later that day I saw the label through the plastic grocery bag and for a moment I was sure it was cookies.

From NYT

2008-12-07T02:42:00.000-08:00

In the December 7 issue of the New York Times, Caitlin Flanagan writes:

"Christian teaching on marriage is not the only reason so many blacks supported Proposition 8. Although it has come as a shocking realization to many in this community, a host of sociological studies confirm that many blacks feel a significant aversion to homosexuality itself, finding it morally and sexually repugnant."

How do these studies rule out the influence of Christian teaching? Because they're "sociological"?

Space Junk

2008-08-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

"If we can blast fifty women into space we can someday launch a woman into the Oval Office."
-Hillary Clinton

Interesting image. Lousy speechwriting. Every mysoginst's dream, right? Hell, why stop at fifty?

!

2008-07-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hello there.