It's a bird, it's a plane

In the desert west of Salt Lake City, Utah, by terrible coincidence, a communications antenna atop a Man-Bunny Matrix ground transport collided with a small songbird, as the transport traveled east along an Interstate Highway at a speed of 77 mph. Passengers reported seeing the bird perform a slow barrel roll, then a ‘Split S’, before finally augering in. The transport was nearly a half kilometer downrange by this time, but navigators marked the approximate location and the crew made preparations to respond.

Exit ramps were scarce, but an emergency vehicle turn-around allowed the transport quickly to double-back. Rescue fursonnel deployed from the rear, accompanied by a reporter and camera crew.

But the decision to deploy fursonnel was made with some hesitation, because the rescue operation was getting underway just outside the bounds of the U.S. Army's Dugway Proving Ground. And as soon as rabbits had exited the vehicle, they could tell it was a busy day at the office.

“It was loud,” explained Sergeant Major Eyebrows, a medic serving in the Man-Bunny Defense Force who took part in the search. She later told investigators, “We just wanted to find that bird and get the hell out of there.”

They did find the bird. Its neck was broken, it was dead, but there were no other visible signs of injury. Reporters photographed the bird and medical fursonnel recorded the likely cause of death as central nervous system trauma. The team then gave the animal a quick and proper burial.

But as rescue fursonnel were hopping back into the transport, behind a nearby ridgeline the sound of two helicopter rotors blended with the whine of turbine engines, and Sergeant Major Eyebrows noticed something strange. Whatever machine this was had more than one large main rotor; had approached to within 800 meters of the rabbits' position, and was clearly very big and very fast.

“The Army’s got big helicopters, and the Army's got fast helicopters, but you'll never see both,” Eyebrows said.

She knew there were only two possible explanations. Either the Army was testing an incredible new helicopter, or the rabbits were listening to a test flight of the Boeing V-22 Osprey.

Eyebrows later told investigators from the Man-Bunny Defense Intelligence Agency that the aircraft was executing complex maneuvers, while taking great care to remain concealed behind the ridge.

“They came within inches of clearing the rise,” she said, “but were never visible from the Interstate.”

Phone calls to the Office of the Commander at Dugway were not immediately returned, but a spokesman for the U.S. Air Force Military Airlift Command confirmed that the Marine Corps had recently flown two Ospreys to Edwards Air Force Base in California, and one to an unspecified location in Utah.

In another phone call, Marine Corps spokesperson Captain Melissa O’Clippe told the Man-Bunny Matrix, “We’ve been flying the V-22 for years, but it's a joint aircraft. Test pilots need no excuse at all to strap on a new airplane.”

The make and model of the songbird now at rest beneath the Utah desert has yet to be positively identified, but the photographs taken by rescuers have been transmitted to researchers at the Man-Bunny Department of Non-Mammalian Affairs in Northern California, where they are awaiting evaluation.

One fuzzy marsupial

Paul Corey writes in today's San Francisco Chronicle, "Thousands packed onto the aircraft carrier Hornet on Saturday to hear Edwin 'Buzz' Aldrin describe his experience as the second man on the moon - a desolate place, he said, where the air was so thin he felt like a kangaroo as he bounced on the surface."

Bear in mind, bouncing around like a kangaroo is not anything new here in the Man-Bunny Matrix, but take note, it is gravity, much more than relative atmospheric density, that keeps the rest of you from kangarooing here at home.

The 'air' on the moon is quite thin. Its atmosphere has roughly 1/1,000,000,000,000 the density of Earth's, and consists mainly of the odd molecule outgassing from the lunar surface. But even on Earth, unless a given kangaroo is grossly overweight, or fitted with a sail, its cross-sectional area is probably insufficient for the atmosphere to make much of a difference in its bounceability, relative to a vacuum. However, put this kangaroo on the surface of the Moon and it will experience a gravitational field roughly 1/6 what a kangaroo feels here on Earth. Still equipped with its powerful leg-muscles, this will make a big difference.

Yes, our Moon is a desolate place, where air is so thin it is effectively nonexistent, and acceleration due to gravity can make a kangaroo out of even you.

One giant tank

On any given day, the United States burns through 214,470 gal of diesel oil
in 132 s.

Forty years ago today, the engines of the SI-C (first stage) on the
Saturn V moon rocket smoked an identical volume of kerosene, propelling a single vehicle to a speed of 5352 mph, altitude 58 mi. The process was completed in 168 s flat.

Little green bunnies

http://www.deepastronomy.com/

Please insert Disk 2

As the LA Times points out, some experts are dismissing a North Korean link in the ongoing attacks on U.S. and South Korean computer systems, because denial-of-service attacks are “fairly rudimentary”, and “more the hallmark of hackers than hostile and resourceful foreign governments.”

“They’re loud and clumsy and not really what we would expect out of a sophisticated adversary,” said Amit Yoran, former Bush administration computer security czar, in downplaying involvement by a government which recently threw considerable computing resources behind production of this advertisement.

Kim Jong Il Wants a War

Before he dies.

He's pissed off. It's his life's work. It's a family legacy. To hell with the country, to hell with the world, might as well go out with a bang.

Field hockey stick

This can't continue. There has to be a bottom here somewhere, or as we speak, the American economy is falling off a cliff. Here is a clearer view of this chart, and tabulated data for your spreadsheetable pleasure.

And the beat goes on. Supplies continue to grow. However, like the guy who suddenly remembers the bathtub is on and makes it to the valve just before the house is flooded, it appears U.S. refiners may finally be getting the message.

Baby bones

"The GAO ... detailed an instance in which a woman placed an infant in a carrier on an X-ray machine while retrieving identification. Because the guard was not paying attention and the machine's safety features had been disabled, the infant was sent through the X-ray machine, according to the report."

(briefcase...briefcase...briefcase...baby!)

The Man-Bunny Matrix is calling on the GAO to release video records from this X-ray machine without delay.

Looking ahead

As you and your Honda HS928TA are engaged in some severe-duty operation this season, you may encounter a problem known as predetonation, or “spark-knock”. If you consult the owner’s manual, it will advise that you switch to a different brand of gasoline.

Ignore this. Why Mr. Soichiro Honda of all people would offer this as an appropriate course of action is a mystery.

Do switch to a gasoline with a higher octane rating. If this fails to correct the problem, consider bringing the machine to a Honda Authorized Service Center, where they will make appropriate adjustments to the ignition system.

Then, put the thing away. It’s July for chrissake.

Be the first to know

Refresh.

3,257,000

We did it! Compared to this same time last year, the United States has saved the lives of over 1 million barrels (42,000,000 gal) of distillate fuel oil each and every day.

The last time the U.S. came anywhere near to this figure was in 2002, and demand has not been this low in any sustained way since the end of the 20th century. Yet we’re still churning it out like it’s going out of style, which, apparently, it is. Refinery inputs are still hanging around about where they’ve been all year, but distillate stocks are off the charts. Where are we going to put it all? The Man-Bunny Matrix is calling on all Americans with a swimming pool to include an off-the-hook diesel-burning party as part of your Independence Day celebration. Invite your unemployed trucker friends.

Anyone who was surprised by terrible economic news on Thursday wasn’t paying attention on Wednesday.

Gland plans

Petroleum kingpin and charming grandpa T. Boone Pickens has a plan. He wants to substitute natural gas for oil in as many sectors of the American economy as possible, and high on the priority list is the U.S. trucking fleet. According to Mr. Pickens, this makes sense. Good economic sense, and good environmental sense.

Not everyone agrees.

"It just doesn't make sense," says Phil Maelipeck, petroleum engineer and director of refining operations at Valero Energy in Houston, TX. Maelipeck does understand that natural gas can replace liquid petroleum in nearly every automotive application, but as for the trucking initiative, according to him, “the numbers aren’t there.”

And while Natalia Raquette, senior scientist with the Sierra Club, concedes that emissions from natural gas combustion are lower than those of every other fossil fuel, according to her the benefits end there. "Natural gas production causes terrible environmental damage. At every stage of production you poison the land, you poison the air, and it’s especially tough on fresh water supplies."

Geoffrey Vanderschpul agrees. He’s a physician by training, who for the last ten years has headed up the mining research group at The Endocrine Disruption Exchange. His team has been studying some of the hundreds of chemicals involved in natural gas mining and processing, and they are as dangerous as they are numerous.“The list is as long as your leg,” Dr. Vanderschpul says. “And they are some of the nastiest and most reactive compounds known to man. They’re injected deep into the earth and mixed right into the water table.”

Is there any alternative?

“Sure,” Dr. Vanderschpul says. “Burn coal.”

Is he serious?

“Not really, but at least taking it out of the ground is straightforward. You send a guy into a hole and he comes back up later carrying a bucket.”

Natural gas is different. The process is complex, it's hazardous, and it's energy costly. Drilling muds used to condition drill bits and carry rock cuttings from the bore-hole contain volatile organic compounds and heavy metals. Pressurized fluids used to displace the gas are equally hazardous. In addition, says Maelipeck, the amount of energy consumed in physically heating a gasfield to facilitate product release is staggering, and there are unavoidable byproducts from continuous operation of massive pieces of diesel-powered mining equipment. Then there is the difficult task of dealing with millions of gallons of waste, most of which is carried by truck to enormous earthen pits, where the chemicals are allowed to slowly outgas. According to Maelipeck, and The Endocrine Disruption Exchange website, each evaporation pit has “the potential to become a superfund site.”

But there are some who are more optimistic, and Aubrey McClendon is one of them. He expresses unequivocal belief in natural gas as the key to American energy independence, and he should know. He’s CEO of Chesapeake Energy, the largest independent producer of natural gas in the United States. Mr. McClendon spoke to the Man-Bunny Matrix at his home in Oklahoma.“Natural gas is the future,” he told reporters, sautéeing frog’s legs on his kitchen’s massive gas range, and apparently unaware that bunnies do not eat frogs. “The most important thing environmentalists can do is to find a way to turn that frown upside down, because gas is not going away.”

But according to Phil Maelipeck, that’s beside the point. Would bringing natural gas online as a transportation fuel help? Yes, but not enough. Not enough to justify the effort, and not to enough to cover the expense. He says, “Diesel consumption amounts to about 15% of overall US petroleum demand. And only a fraction of that goes toward long-haul trucking.” Following what Maelipeck contends is the logic used by McClendon and Pickens, “What I’d like to see are battery powered airplanes. That would be great.” Maelipeck acknowledges that such technology is possibly centuries away, and that commercial airliners account for an even smaller fraction of U.S. petroleum demand, but he insists the battery-powered airliners would be “really great, really neat.”

But Dr. Vanderschpul isn’t smiling. Or even frowning upside down. “This is important,” he says. “The science around this stuff is disgusting, even hideous. We’re seeing enormous increases in endocrine disorders, in birth defects, in multi-organ malignancies that were previously considered rare.”

Dr. Raquette is more direct. “I respect an energy executive’s right to earn a living. But when the pediatrician is cutting out his baby grandson’s ovaries, he’s going to have to wonder if it really all was worth it.”

“Listen,” McClendon says, setting out a steaming casserole and decorating it with parsley. “I’m as concerned as the next guy. We have natural treasures in this country you won’t even find anywhere else, but the Earth is doing fine.” Between bites of frog he adds, “Case in point: in just one afternoon I netted this whole meal myself near one of Chesapeake’s central evaporation pits.” His guests ignore the pile of legs and nibble tentatively at the garnish, and McClendon says, “There’s got to be what, twenty, maybe twenty-five legs in this casserole?”

And what’s so special about that?

“Four frogs. Tops."

Structural integrity

Captain John Cox, a flight operations group member at the London-based Royal Aeronautical Society, was interviewed yesterday about the crash of Air France flight 447. He said, "Planes that explode in mid-air don’t have time to send those sort of error messages for the next four minutes." But on Wednesday morning, Dr. F. B. Sphere, an aviation safety specialist with the Man-Bunny Transportation and Safety Board, spoke to reporters by telephone from the island of Comoros, where he is part of the investigation into Yemenia Airways flight 626.

"I've worked with Captain Cox," Dr. Sphere said, "and I have nothing but respect for his abilitities, but I honestly don't know where he gets off. Now it's true, we've found no evidence of a large-scale detonation. I do not expect to be reporting to you that a tactical nuclear weapon went off in the overhead bin. But somebody like Captain Cox ought to know better than this. People need to understand, there is more than one way to skin this cat."

Dr. Sphere was reluctant to offer speculation, but would go far enough to say, "Who knows? Some idiot packs a half-empty butane canister into the unpressurized cargo hold. A box of Ohio Blue-Tips [matches] makes its way past a sleepy security guard and gets bounced around in the turbulence. Look, it could be anything, any number of small explosive or incendiary events leading to a cascade of electrical failures. My French is a little rusty, but they use a timeless expression for this: shit happens."

Dr. Sphere stressed that the Man-Bunny Transportation and Safety Board has reached no firm conclusions regarding the crash of AF 447, and he emphasized that more conventional causes such as the much-discussed pitot tubes remain prime suspects. "But I am frustrated," he added, "by the number of otherwise competent aviation experts who are willing to dismiss, and even categorically rule out, an explosive event, and for such stupid reasons. I don't know, maybe they've seen too many movies."

You're fired

"I can't figure out for the life of me why crew members and children tend to be disproportionate in these sole survivor events."

Todd Curtis
Director, The Airsafe.com Foundation
30 July 2009

(Dr. Curtis, please note existence of flight crew training; and review chapters on mass, force and moment arm in high school physics text.)